With the Flow

Water was gushing down the rocks, making a slightly deafening noise. There she sat on a rock, in knee-deep water. Water flowing past her was also deafening the voices in her head. A few meters away river looked peaceful. She remembered hotel-staff mentioned it was around 20ft deep. She stared at the stone below her feet. It was dark and slippery. For a passing moment she wondered if stones at depth of 20ft would also look and feel the same.

Noise of water was still muting all thoughts. She tightened her life jacket and started inching forward. Stones above water were hot due to the blazing sun, making it difficult to step on them. Those below were slippery. She used all four limbs to balance herself. With each step forward, water level was rising. Noise from the waterfall was fading away. For a small second she looked up. River ahead seemed to be hiding behind trees. Everything around her was silent. Including her inner voice.

Soon she was neck deep in water. Her life jacket was keeping her afloat. She remembered the instructions from hotel staff– “Let yourself loose. The jacket will not let you drown.” She followed the instructions. What was it – putting your guards up or putting them down - she mused.
Earth below her feet was gone. She struggled to stabilize herself, trying in vain to hold something. Her struggle continued for a couple of seconds. And then she was calm. She gave herself to the river. 

River was flowing at its own leisure. And she on river’s mercy. Noise from the falls was now gone. And thoughts started flooding back. She remembered his words, “Why do you have any expectations from this relationship? If you expect, it’s more likely that you’ll be disappointed. Even if your expectations are met, it may not excite you any longer. However, if you don’t expect, there still is a possibility that you may get surprised.”

But what were her expectations? Were they a lot? She was willing to fulfill her share. And to the best of her capabilities. Maybe even more. But 'not expecting anything' is not same as 'accepting everything', and she knew the difference. 

Her thoughts returned to the river. It was slowly taking her away from where she had started. She wondered if the same applied to life too. If it was okay to just move with the flow. Allowing someone else to decide your pace and direction. Accepting what comes your way is the same. From rocky falls to deep waters, you move where the flow of water takes you. 

His words came back to her, "I have faith in you and your decisions. Once you fix your goal, you are sure to achieve it."

Can 'inaction' be her decision? Its always available as an option, but will it be her decision? Its right to find happiness in what you have. But does this acceptance lead to inaction for change? Like it was right now, where she was just following, wherever the river led.

Water had slowed down by now. She felt an oscillating movement in water, just like in her mind. Her thoughts too moved between river and him. “You are like that caged bird who religiously comes back to its cage. When you spend a lot of time in a cage, you start loving it.”

Suddenly something touched her feet. She felt as if a silken string was getting her entangled. Maybe it was just a weed, her mind reasoned. But the fear of being tied down engulfed her heart.

With a bolt she turned and started swimming towards the shore. Once at the shore, she sat down, loosened her life jacket. She had her answers. She had to swim. She couldn’t move with the flow. She had to decide her course.