Almost thorough out my childhood I have heard my
grand-mother crib, what does your grand-father know about kids. He didn’t even
know which class they were studying. He never bothered. Well it wasn’t totally
true. I know for a fact that he worked overtime to pay off the school fee of
four fast growing kids. Even though he didn’t inherit even a single penny from
his father, he managed to leave behind sufficient for each of his kids, to give
them a steady start in life.
I was brought up by more involved parents. Single child of
two professors, I never had any dearth of their time & attention. They did
co-operate with each other, shouldering responsibilities of household and the
little me. But the roles were clearly divided. Getting me ready for school was
my mother’s job, while my father took up the responsibility of dropping me off.
They even went together for grocery shopping. While my mother hopped from one shop
to another, buying the necessary stuff, my father patiently waiting holding the
bags.
Things weren’t very different in other households. I have
seen similar equations among my cousins and friends, & their parents. For
all our demands and pampering needs it was mommy, for pleads and fights it was
mommy. For permission it was daddy. Even now, when we are all grown up and have
our own kids, we chat with our mothers daily on mundane updates of day’s
events, family gossip and other stress-busting talk. With dads we discuss.
But things are different in the modern world.
All these years I have seen my elder brother, himself a
senior executive with a fast paced job, get both his kids ready. From the time
they were spoiling their diapers, to today getting them ready for school, it
has always been his job. A job he has willingly and vociferously taken. He
claims he does it better than their mother. And honestly I can’t disagree. Not
that his wife doesn’t contribute. She has her roles of active &
participative parenting clearly defined. But those roles are no longer confined
to home. From school to coaching classes, from homework to project submissions,
she is with the kids throughout.
At my neighbour’s home mornings are chaotic. With two small
kids getting ready for school, both parents are running around the house. While
the mother helps them in bath, father prepares the school uniform. Then when
the mother rushes to the kitchen to pack the lunch-boxes, father helps the kids
with comb, shoes & accessories like batches & napkins. And when the
pick-up bus arrives, both parents stand together smiling & waving to the
kids.
In my own house, my two year old, yet demanding daughter,
needs both her parents to be with her when going to bed at night. So on days my
husband is back home in time, he is dragged away from his tv, to sing lullabies
for the darling daughter. In last two years, there is no aspect of parenting,
from diapers to future financial planning, which we have not shared as a
couple. Even now, while I am busy pressing my laptop keys, she is peacefully
sleeping in her daddy’s lap.
Seeing her like this, I am forced to believe times are
changing. Since the times of my parents, grand-parents, great grand-parents and
their ancestors, men have come from mars & women have come from venus. Maybe
they still do. But parents today belong to this earth.
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