Saturday 28 June 2014

Go Green, Get Married


They say, ‘Marriages are made in heaven’. I don’t know about that.

They also say that ‘Marriages though made in heaven, are celebrated on the earth’. I kind of agree.

But there is more to it. It is quite a remarkable institution. Because it is made in heaven, celebrated on earth, but breeds & grows or dies within the four walls of a house. Hence the gods, the angels and the fellow human beings, together play an active role in forming this union of two sacred souls. However, once the union happens, they all conveniently depart, leaving the poor souls to manage their daily chores and grocery shopping lists. And it is then the real test of marriage begins.

Quite recently I was flipping through the pages of a magazine, when I came across something which triggered the thoughts I have just described in the para above. It was an article citing quotes from some famous personalities, who had condemned or denounced the institution of marriage. Some of them had never crossed this boundary, having burnt their fingers with flames of love. Others had reached their conclusions after painfully bearing the brunt of marriage woes.

I remember, when I was contemplating entering holy matrimony, some of my by-then-experienced friends had forewarned me. “buddy, there is nothing like ‘happily-married’ and/or ‘happy ever-after’.” Yet they all recommended, it is a necessary but not sufficient condition for a happy and healthy life.

Yet that article got me thinking. I agree all famous personalities are not Aristotles and Chanakayas of the world. They may or may not have an intellectual contribution to make for the larger audience. However, they do have the reach. Their voice is heard, at least by a few. And even though the proponents of this institution are present in plenty, their voice need to be echoed to immerse the opposing noise, wherever present. Further, having personally benefited greatly from its merits, I consider it my moral responsibility to speak in its favor. So given below are my two pence:

·         Time & Effort Saving – if all of us were to stay in independent set-ups, everyone will have to spend time buying groceries, paying utility bills, cleaning & cooking. However division of labor between the married couple saves time & effort.

·         Stable System – as compared to other relationships like live-in or friendship, exit barriers in a marriage are higher, lending it additional stability.

·         Higher Scope of Production – producing off-springs is essential for all species. Among humans, marriage due its higher degree of commitment & stability, lends support for long duration of child-bearing & care.

·         Encourages Investment – again given the commitment for a longer duration as compared to other forms of relationships, married couples are more likely to share resources for future investments.


These are just some of the points which I believe make marriage an efficient system, as compared to its alternative institutions. And efficiency merits encouragement. 

Thursday 19 June 2014

Rain Dance


‘Finally the monsoon is here.

If you have ever stayed in any part of northern India, you can relate to each and every emotion associated with this one phrase. For those who haven’t, in simple words, imagine yourself as a turkey, right out of a heated oven, and put under a running tap. And when the tap is closed, there will be a sense of relief and joy in your heart, for having come out of the torturous heat. Yet you would be bewildered with steam coming out of your ears, with this sudden shift from hot to cold environments.

I guess I was also in a similar condition. Bewildered with the changes around me, not knowing how to react, steam coming out of my ears, and filling my nostrils, forming a vicious circle.



It all started two days back. We had an unusually light day in office. A review meet, where almost half the staff was to be present, was unexpectedly cancelled at the last minute. Since all of us had aligned our work and schedules to accommodate the meeting, it left us jobless for those couple of hours. And thus a group of friends decided to move out and catch up over a glass of beer.


It was not a meeting of love-stricken young couples, nor was it a get together of long lost friends. And thus there was no need for the weather to get so romantic. But it did. With light drizzles filling the fresh air, and a lovely breeze touching the softest corners of hearts. The intoxicants did their bit. And unknowingly the conversations drifted to the topics of love and romance.


As they say, men will be men. Each of us started bragging about our romantic adventures and expeditions. From surprise candle-light dinners to rings in Champaign glasses, almost all text-book tricks were discussed and events were recounted.


God has blessed the male fraternity with a great skill called conditional memory. While our counterparts struggle with managing a lot of junk in the head, due to excess of data present. We, the blessed souls, have the easy access to delete button. Push of a button and the event is erased from the temporary memory, moved to the archives for future use if any. Another push and everything is permanently erased.
 
But it was not be. I am sure the error happened under the strong influence of spirits. No, as always I refuse to accept I was on a high. But it was a mere slip of memory that I forgot to press the delete button. And hence the day’s events left a mark on my male ego. While my friends were busy bragging, I realized that I had not achieved any of these feats in recent past. Thus I was in a compelling need to brush up my chivalry skills.


And it happened again today. As soon as I woke up today morning, the droplets of love falling from skies above forced me to open my eyes to reality. Time was slipping from my hand like grains of sand. It was the time to act. There was an urgency in the air. It was now or never.


And so I got up with a jerk. With my mind racing, almost on a mission, I took out my favorite red shirt. It had to be red. No other color would serve the purpose. I admired the result in the mirror. And left home without a word with anyone.


I could hardly focus on work thorough-out the day. Towards the evening, I called up my favorite restaurant and booked a table for two. I remembered to mention the words, corner table with dim lights. I also told them to reserve a vintage wine of my favorite flavor. Then I called up the nearby bakery shop, and ordered a chocolate cake, another of my favorites, to be delivered at the restaurant. Then I left a message at home that I would be late from office today. Having done all this, I was quite pleased with my thoroughness.


Finally, with trembling hands, I picked up my phone, and messaged an invite for dinner at 8. Okay, I agree that a personal call would have been more appropriate. But I also accept I was nervous. Rejection is difficult to handle. And I was in no mood to entertain it.


Within a minute of my sending the message, my phone rang. It was a message from her. She had accepted my invitation. My heart missed a beat, and then started beating very fast. This was my lucky day. One the response had come so fast, usually not a trait of the fairer sex. Then it hadn’t come accompanied by a list of questions on why, who, and what…. It was a plain simple yes, almost a rarity. All of this reminded me of Paulo Cohelo’s conspiring universe. And I was happy since the universe was conspiring in my favor.

Since I had decided to work hard on my chivalry skills, I reached at the meeting spots, ten minutes ahead of the time. Another thing I had not done in a very long time. Even though I was clueless on what is to be done while waiting for one’s date to arrive, I decided to take a chance. And in absence of any fresh wave of creativity, I started checking my office mails, and responding to them.


I don’t know how long I would have waited. I was too busy to take notice. And then I saw her. She was coming towards me. She was wearing the same black top I had gifted her a few months ago. I can’t remember the occasion, but it suited her well. Her lovely hair dancing with the breeze. And that lovely smile on her face. The smile which made me go weak in my knees when I had first seen it. The smile, that almost made me fall in love. The smile, my favorite thing about her. The smile, I was wanting to spend my evening with.



And then it happened. I don’t know how. I don’t know when. But time froze. She had almost reached at an arm’s length. Talking to me in an exciting tone. Trying to show me something she had just purchased on her way. But I couldn’t hear her voice. I couldn’t understand anything.  I was staring at her, the mother of my two year old. And right behind her, was my two year old, chirping gaily in the arms of her grand-mother, ie my mother. Laughing at her antics, standing there were my father, sister & brother-in-law. At this point my wife lovingly shook me, and asked why I wasn’t listening? And why I wasn’t noticing the nursery rhyme book, with so many pictures, that she had picked up on her way.  



At night the city witnessed some hail-storm, with heavy showers. 

Sunday 15 June 2014

Strange Relations, Stranger Emotions


“Sometimes it’s a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence” – David Byrne

In my previous post I had attempted to write a short story. I managed to write something. But some of my readers felt that the story should have a more conclusive ending. I agree the ending was slightly abrupt. But that was the intention.

For those who don’t know the background, let me take a step back, and start again. There are two individuals, the protagonists as we may call them. They are from different backgrounds, different ideologies, different upbringing and probably different thought processes. Yet there is one thing in common. They are alone. Till the time they meet and start talking. And that’s where the story ends.

Yes, I could have given it a happy ever after ending, where they meet and decide to stay together. Or else, I could have played the devil, and made them part ways, each carrying their own share of pain. But I didn’t do either of this. Isn’t this what life does to us? It opens the door and then leaves us with the decision of venturing out or not. Isn’t that a fair treatment? And for now let me leave it at that. As now it’s for you to decide if my decision was right or not.

As far as I am concerned, I have already decided.

Coming back to my story, what happens after the two protagonists meet is not the crux of it. To my mind it doesn’t even matter. What matters is that the meeting results in conversations.

Conversations – the core of any relationship, personal or professional, family or friends, likes or dislikes. These conversations decide the depth and the intensity of the relation. They determine the emotional quotient. They bridge the gaps, and bring hearts closer.

The latest superhit Bollywood (Hindi cinema) movie ‘Queen’, is also based on similar plots. The protagonist, a simple & naïve girl ventures into the big world. She lands up in foreign lands, surrounded by strangers. Yet the friends she makes, the bonds she forms and the experiences she gathers, help her discover parts of her personality she was totally oblivious of till that time.

In a similar example, from the movie ‘Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara’ (another superhit from Hindi cinema), one of the protagonists is able to share his deepest emotions, with his love interest, a European girl, who doesn’t understand his language, but struggles to share the same with his childhood friends. Thus is the language of love, connections of heart. Which though conveyed through words, transcends the barriers of language and vocabulary.

Some of these connections are nothing but momentary, these relations transitory. They are beyond the definitions of friends and family, and at best can be classified as a mere stranger. Yet their impressions on our heart, their footprints on our memories are permanent.

Haruki Murakami had said, “Anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves.” And any one person can not join all the missing links.

Tuesday 10 June 2014

Too Good To Be True

She was from a modest family background. A literate, but semi-educated mother. Father with a limited income job. But she rose. Against all odds. Working diligently throughout her academic years. The hard work paid off and she managed to secure a place in one of the top institutions of the country. When the result came, she looked at her parents. Their faces were glowing with pride. She felt relieved.

The initial few months at the new institution were challenging. Almost of a cultural shock for her. But again she survived. There were few, but true friends. And they stayed with her. Like most of her batch-mates, she also earned a well paying job. The dream was realized. Milestone achieved.
Work environment was more conducive than expected. The small town girl was now quite comfortable with the ways of big cities. Work took her to newer places. Hard work took her to newer heights. Things earlier never dreamt of were now realities of life. Yet something was amiss.
She was successful, yet lonely. There were great joys, but no one to share them with. Her parents, siblings, friends, everyone was still there with her. Even all of them together couldn’t fill that void. It stayed. Her relations and emotions were intact. Foot firmly on ground, and hands touching the sky. Everything was perfect, yet incomplete.
 
 
He was born with a silver spoon. He was the apple of all eyes. His parents could afford all the luxuries of life. Yet they taught him all the necessary values. Life was comfortable. Good education, and consequently a decent job, were all assumed to be part of the deal. And life delivered. All expectations were met. It was not just luck playing in his favor, his hard work had a major role to play.
And then the beautiful dream also came true. The love that all of us ever dream of took shape of those beautiful eyes, and stood in front of him. Love blossomed. Wedding bells rang. And life was more than perfect. His parents were happy. All they had hoped for their son had come true. He was satisfied.
Life had something more in store. The dove-eyes soon turned misty. The true love now seemed a figment of imagination. Those looking forward to spend a lifetime together, couldn’t stand each other for even a few hours. And parting ways was the only solution left.
He was shattered. He had everything, and then lost everything. He didn’t know who to blame. Was it just destiny? Was it all his fault? No one knows. He had no choice but to live this life, which was not his choice. And he lived. With the scars of the past clearly visible on his face.
 
 
That night they met. Life happened, and it ensured that their paths crossed. No, it was not like Cinderella meeting Prince Charming for the first time. It was just the way it happens when two strangers meet.  They met and they spoke. Just like strangers do.
They were different. They didn’t know each other. They didn’t quite understand each other. But none of it mattered. They were two different individuals, away from each other, yet together, with pain in their heart and smile on their face.
They were talking. The wall clock was ticking. Night was darkening. And radio jockey played…..Frank Sinatra’s “Strangers in the Night”


Sunday 8 June 2014

Ten Management Lessons from Calvin & Hobbes


Many of us have long been fan of the cute kid Calvin, and his best friend Hobbes, created by Bill Watterson. Recently, I was supposed to interact with a bunch of business management students, on what to expect in the real corporate world. As I didn’t want to make the session heavy & boring, I decided to seek help from Calvin & his friend.

Sharing the same again here for those of you might find it interesting.

1.       Don’t wait for right time or opportunity. Create them.
 

2.       Good Presentation will help bring focus on a simple idea
 

3.       Think what you are doing, and why you are doing it. Your objectives and goals must be very clear
 

4.       It’s fine if you don’t have all the answers. Accept it.
 

5.       Communicate clearly. It helps in saving you from half your likely problems
 

6.       Re-evaluation and monitoring of work is important
 

7.       Feedback and appraisals help you grow. Accept them.
 

8.       Let others know about your work. If others follow or copy you, it’ll help build your name
 

9.       Manage your risks. Do your cost-benefit analysis
 

10.   Love your work. It’s the key to your success.
 

Tuesday 3 June 2014

365 Mantras of Life


Off late most of the articles I have come across have a heading like, “10 ways to achieve….”, “45 tips for…..”,  “33 sure methods of……” etc etc etc.

I think it started with round figure numbers like 10, 20, 50 etc. But over time the authors felt, they need to write something different to be able to attract reader’s attention. Hence they resorted to odd sounding numbers like 42, 33, 27 etc. So now every other article you pick up provides ‘x’ number of tips or ways or approaches to meet your desired goal. Some writers get over-enthused by the idea, and end up listing 100 or more points. But honestly I have never been able to read after the first few. Sometimes I wonder, if people actually manage to think of or find so many points. Or if they resort to their paraphrasing skills to make it look like a big picture. I am not sure.

 Coming back to ‘yours truly’, I couldn’t prevent this new fashion trend from impacting me. And just as a fashion freak starts getting restless till the time the new trendy clothes enter her wardrobe, I had to have a blog starting with ‘x’ ways of blah blah blah. And with this intention I started scouting for interesting lists or topics to generate lists on, till I stumbled upon this……again managed to dig out something from archives.

Warning: this is not statutory, but more of obligatory warning. Those who have known me long, and are still reading this piece, you may say, hay this is old stuff. I have heard this from you earlier too. But buddy, please remember, mantras don’t change. Take Gayatri Mantra for example. It has remained the same from last hundreds and thousand years. And normally you wouldn’t look forward to hear a new Gayatri Mantra, every time you open some meditational television channel. On the contrary, you may try to recite the same thing again and again, multiple times a day, and multiple days in a year. One may try doing its rapperization, “Yo bhur bhuva swaha”, but that won’t be Gayatri Mantra anymore. Similarly these mantras of life can’t be adapted. They can only be adopted.

Mantra 1Solitude: the pleasant absence of scrutinizing looksthe mantra to discover your true self. You must have heard, read, seen or done all above, about Cinderella, and her fairy godmother. However, if the fairy godmother was actually so magical and powerful, why did she meet Cinderella when the latter was alone? Instead, she could have forced the step-mother to allow Cinderella to attend the royal ball. And could have also punished her for her misbehavior with the poor orphan girl, giving the story a simple and plain ending. But I guess that wouldn’t serve the purpose. Fairy godmother is just a representation of Cinderella’s internal strength, and her realization of her inherent princess like virtues.  

Mantra 2Worst wars are wars withinthe mantra to be what you want to be. One of the oldest example of internal conflict was that faced by Arjun, right before the start of the war of Mahabharat. And such was the magnitude and relevance of these conflicts for human race, that Krishna, his mentor, had to write (or historically speaking recite) entire Bhagwad Geeta for Arjun to come out of that conflict, and face his true calling.

Mantra 3When you do it consciously, you do it consistentlythe mantra to reach where you want to be – I am sure all of us have heard the age old fable of hare and tortoise. But have you wondered why did the tortoise enter the race in the first place? More likely than not, he must have been aware of his weakness. And I feel that this was his biggest strength. He was conscious of his weakness, his objective & his need to reach the finishing line. And this consciousness acted like an internal inspiration, driving him to move consistently towards the finishing line.

Mantra 4Life gives us very few reasons to be happy, it’s better to find excusesthe mantra to live this life, wherever you are, whoever you are – recently a friend initiated a campaign on one of her social media account, named @100HappyDays. Here everyday, for 100 days, she posted one good thing she saw, did or experienced. And at the end of the 100th day, she reported these last few days as the happiest time of her life, as she was forced to find good even from a mundane day. And on days that she couldn’t find anything, she was forced to move out of her shell, and find something good.

 

 

And I am sure you will ask me, so what happened to the rest of the mantras. These are only 4. But you promised 365.

Yes I did. But again I have a different take here. I suggest a 365 day repetition of these mantras. That’s what I try to do. And that’s quite sufficient for me – to know myself, to know what I want to be, to consistently strive to work towards it and then to be satisfied with whatever I can reach. For me that’s quite a handful.

Its not that I have managed to master these mantras. But then neither have I achieved nirvana………..