The Lucky Seventh

It has been seven years since I published the first piece of Itts-Bitts. Seven years and seventy-seven pieces later, I decided to pause, to look back, and then take a new turn.

 

No, none of it was planned from the beginning. In fact, nothing was planned in the beginning. It had just started as an attempt to pen down some random thoughts, some memorable experiences, and some life-changing lessons. The name itself symbolized little pieces of life and of me.

Each piece had a part of me, each molding me a bit with it. Every time I reflected on a write-up, it made me see myself more clearly. It helped me understand my emotions. It made me structure my thoughts. It allowed me to write what I couldn’t say. It pushed me to a conclusion. And then to start all over again, with something new, something afresh, something previously undiscovered.

I continued over the years, more to fill my bowl of joy. It was always a hobby that pulled me towards itself. The thought of writing excited me. The idea of publishing it made me nervous. And the reader’s response scared me. I could never write for them. It was always for myself first. It was always for the joy of writing, rather than the want of being read.

Thus, I never quite made an attempt to take it any further. I wrote when I felt like writing. I wrote about whatever caught my attention. I wrote my perspective on things. At times I shared my writings with the wider world. At times with a few close friends. And some pieces, with no one. They were kept there, like a photograph in an old album, which no one bothers to see.

Many of my friends told me to take up writing professionally. They suggested I write stories or novels or should even consider blogging as a side profession. But I was never ready to take a plunge. I could never force myself to write something. The pressure of writing often and writing well would take away the pleasure of writing. Adding performance pressure would mean I start measuring myself. It meant setting benchmarks, it meant raising hopes and then striving to meet them. Honestly, I did try tracking page-views for some of the posts. But fortunately, or unfortunately, they were always quite contrary to my expectations. Thus after a few failed attempts, I decided to retract to my comfort zone. To enjoy the process of writing, rather than trying to sell my writings.

 

However, today I am forced to revisit Itts-Bitts. Two recent events made me pause to think, to look back with a sense of pride, and take a step forward with a greater level of confidence.

During a recent official conference call, I found myself alone with a senior director of my company. As we waited for others to join, we started with some trivial conversations. We had just resumed work after a long weekend, and he asked me how I had spent my time. I, in full honesty, told him that I spent a good chunk of my time completing a write-up for my blog. As we continued on the topic, I told him what I had told many others, many times over the years. I spoke about Itts-Bitts being more of a passion than a profession, about how it helps me delve deep into a topic and how it makes me structure my thoughts. I also spoke about how I have never put any real effort in marketing my work. He nodded in agreement and also asked me a few other details about this hobby of mine. It was during one of those points that I casually mentioned crossing 30k page views over the years. And his eyes popped out, “Thirty thousand page views!!! All this while when you spoke, I thought you may have a few hundred page-views, considering your limited audience. But thirty thousand page-views means there is a world out there looking at your stuff!! And that, my friend, is an incredible job.”

A week later to this conversation, I was casually chatting with a close friend of mine. At some point in between, he asked if I am working on a new write-up. He has been religiously reading my articles, and also sharing candid feedback for some time now. As I mentioned the soon approaching 7^th anniversary of Itts-Bitts, he seemed quite happy about it. As always, I repeated my same old, much-beaten track – of it just being a passion and not a profession. He made me stop in the middle, “You at least have a passion!! a hobby, a gainful engagement, which you have sustained and nurtured for seven long years. Most of us don’t even know what they like. People like me spend their time with whatever comes their way. While you manage to give it a direction, a shape, and a form. And that, my friend, is a big achievement.”

Both these conversations left me with a sense of pride, a feeling of satisfaction. While I have received many compliments over the years, and they all have been special in their own way. Yet, these two conversations, surely made me see Itts-Bitts in a new light.

 

Yesterday was the 7^th anniversary of Itts-Bitts. As I started my day, an email popped up on my window, indicating receipt of a gift. As I opened the email, I saw it was a gift voucher from the same friend. He had gifted me an online course in creative writing.

It was in reference to another conversation we had had. “You take feedback from absolutely the wrong set of people.” He had said. “While I love to read your writings, I am not equipped to give you constructive feedback. You should consult people from this domain.”

The email came with a personal message from the sender, ‘Hoping this will help you in your pursuits of a better you.’

 

Thus today, after seven years, and seventy-seven pieces of Itts-Bitts, I pause to look back, to see the distance covered with some degree of satisfaction, and a certain pride. And then I humbly look forward to write more, write better and be better than myself. 

Happy Seventh Itts-Bitts. Indeed a lucky seventh. 

Wishes, Hopes and Prayers, and all that

Today is my friend’s birthday. My four-year-old BFF’s birthday. BFF, as my daughter explained to me, refers to ‘Best Friend Forever’.

So, when this cute-kid-friend of mine calls me a BFF, it surely leaves me smiling. Even for a minute, I don’t doubt the earnestness and honesty with which it is said. However, having covered a certain distance in life, if one thing I am sure of is ‘change’. I am certain of the continuous evolution our environment is in. I am cognizant of how I am adapting to this change. I am aware of the constant state of flux my life is in. And thus, ‘Forever’ seems like a term only applicable to fairy tales.

 Yet everything is not doomed or lost. Human relationships are as real today as they were centuries ago. Emotions of love, care, respect, and friendship have been a permanent companion of our race. At times they do get hidden under the dark clouds of jealousy, misery, and pain. Yet still, the sun never ceases to shine, filling us with the light of knowledge & hope.

 

Hence, today, on this special day of my young friend, I want to send something which will stay through thick and thin. Which will sail through the tide, will ride the wave, and will shine in dark. Which will stay the same when even we will change….. I want to send some wishes….

 

Like all other well-wishers,

I too wish you health, wealth and prosperity.

I too wish you happiness, smiles and joy.

I too wish you dreams coming true, for hands that hold you through.

Wishes of peace, contentment, and honesty.

Wishes of success, growth, and popularity.

I wish for all this and more, all things which can’t be told, all things that are nothing but gold.

 

But I also wish for your inner light to shine strong and bright,

when all around goes dark.

I also wish for blessings from above to protect,

when testing times are leaving a mark.

I pray today for days when I won’t be there to pray for you.

I pray for the mettle inside, when friends are far and few.

May you stand strong in the face of pain,

Stand strong even when others go in vain.

 

I wish and hope and pray all this will be true,

Not some, not few, but all through.

And I wish and hope and pray all this will be true,

Coz probably that’s all that I can do.

 

 

 

Sanjha Chulha

Love thy neighbour is an age-old proverb. I am not sure how relevant it remained in the modern world. In the past few decades, the pace of life has rapidly increased. First industrialization and then digitization changed the way we interacted with our surroundings. The advent of mobile technology brought the world into our hands, but also took us away from the physical world.

In this madness the first set of people we lost touch with were our neighbors. In last 15 years my family has moved across five cites and nine houses. Of all these places that were home at a certain point, I can recall only four neighborhood families with whom we managed to establish a connect. With our weekdays divided between work and traffic jams, and weekends dedicated to pending work and outings, leisurely time spent at home was always a rare commodity.

Arrival of COVID-19 brought life to almost a halting stop. Half the world was confined to the safety of their homes. While it was comfortable for the initial few weeks, slowly it began to dawn on all of us that there is no short-term solution to this problem. We geared up to face this challenge, brought about a change in our lifestyles, added masks and sanitizers to the list of basic amenities, and got ready to once again step out in the world.

And as soon as we opened our doors, the first set of people we met were our neighbors. It was no brainer to guess that they too were in the same boat as us. Skeptical to step out, concerned about the well-being of their families, and hesitant to go very far. Thus, we met them across the common boundaries. Sanjha Chulha is the story of such neighbors whose friendship started during the lockdown days and matured and flourished in their homes, especially the kitchens. 

 

Saloni and Arin are also neighbors.

She left a promising career to take care of her two adorable kids. Her husband Suhas is a senior manager at an IT company. Even though Saloni left her job, she couldn’t leave behind her aspirations. Saloni and Suhas had always enjoyed hosting their friends and family. She is a great cook and he is a natural conversationalist. Together they ensured their guests always felt welcomed and well taken care of. Saloni sought to take this partnership to the next level. She dreamt of owning her own café. A place where she could cook, bake, meet people, and make money too. Suhas also supported her choice. He had promised to not only support the initial investment needed but also agreed to share the responsibilities of childcare. Thus, allowing her to focus on her dreams. Owning to this, over the last few years, Saloni enrolled for various cooking courses from some of the esteemed and renowned institutions. She often treated her guests with some of these delicacies. From the venue to the menu, and from branding to budget, they would often talk about this planned venture, and probably the biggest adventure of their lives.

Arin on the other hand is a financial analyst, crunching numbers at his fingertips all day long. He too is happily married to Avni, a researcher in biotechnology. They have a toddler son, who demands much time and attention from them. For Arin, cooking is a hobby and a great stress buster. It allows him to keep his mind off from his constant work pressure. It is also a medium to bring out his creativity, quite contrary to his logical process-oriented job. Avni, on the other hand, is more of a scholarly person. Given a chance she prefers a quick fix meal and would rather spend her extra hours flipping through the pages of her books. A reserved and introvert kind of person, she becomes a little over-conscious of her inabilities or weaknesses. The kitchen is a similar territory where her nervousness often makes her clumsy. More so in the presence of enthusiasts like Arin, who usually performs his tasks with an elan.  

When the pandemic arrived, Suhas, Arin, and Avni started working from the confines of their homes. The initial few days were spent adjusting to this new routine. But soon they were all missing their social interactions. It was challenging for kids also to remain restricted inside four walls, without an opportunity to visit either schools or play areas. The initial euphoria of multi-tasking soon gave way to tiredness and boredom. Social media platforms that saw a shift from holiday pics to food pics also moved to newer topics. While a majority started scouting for new hobbies or means of entertainment, the likes of Saloni and Arin stayed focused on improving their culinary skills.

It was on one such day that Arin knocked on the door of Saloni’s house. He was trying his hands at a new recipe and didn’t have one of the key ingredients at home. Not wanting to either compromise the flavors or visit the grocery store to buy something so small, he decided to borrow from a neighboring house. As Arin entered Saloni’s house his son too came running after him. At times kids take less than a fraction of a second to become friends. Even before Arin could explain the purpose of his visit, his son had settled well with Saloni’s kids and their toys. Saloni and Suhas also welcomed them with open arms and warm smiles. And soon enough Arin was comfortably placed in their couch with a cup of tea, talking at length about his trial and error based culinary experiments.

In a few days this became almost a routine. Every time Arin attempted a new recipe, he went seeking Saloni’s advice. And each visit, though meant to be a quick question, ended up in lengthy discussions. Some of these discussions never moved away from the kitchen counter, where Saloni was busy preparing the next meal. With Suhas also helping her, the trio would continue their tête-à-tête.

Soon enough Avni also started joining them. Saloni and Suhas made her feel comfortable with their warm hospitality. Their no pretense, non-judgemental approach towards people and situations would put Avni at ease. She felt free to be herself, without becoming conscious of her short-comings.

Every now and then Saloni and Arin would cook together. At times in Saloni’s kitchen, & then in Arin’s. Sometimes they shared the burden by each of them taking up one dish. While one focused on stuff palatable with kids, the other would work with aromas of spices. On some days they pooled ingredients from each house to prepare a perfect and complete serving. On other days they met unplanned, unprepared, just sharing the left-overs or fixing quick bites. When feeling energetic, they would prepare elaborate multi-course meals. Once in a while, they would share it with other neighboring families too. A couple of times they even packed some food and took the kids out for long drives, just as sort of a picnic. Food and its preparation had become a common point of interest, bringing them together. Learning, teaching, trying, and experimenting, at times succeeding, at other failing. Their love for cooking, and their food for their loved ones, was the magic behind this teamwork. Suhas and Avni too enjoyed these get-togethers. Each supporting with either taking care of kids or cleaning the place or doing the dishes. They all worked and worked well as a team.

But the actual soul-curry was usually prepared after kitchen lights went off. Putting kids to sleep, switching off the tv, mobile, and all other noisy appliances. Four of them would then settle for a quiet meal. At times it was just a bite of dessert or maybe even a cup of tea. But it was in these quiet hours of the night that their true rendezvous would start. Rendezvous with themselves, with each other , and with life overall.

It was unintentional and quite impromptu, but each one of them started pouring out their heart’s content. It started with sharing old stories, life anecdotes, and fond memories. Over time they were sharing secrets of their heart, without hesitations or boundaries of social civilities. From their most precious dreams to their worst nightmares. From guiding principles of life to life-changing decisions, they would talk, discuss, and debate.

Saloni would often talk about her plans for the café. She had many ideas around the cuisine, decor, and ambiance. She wants it to be a place for people to enjoy good food and good conversations. However, she acknowledged she hadn’t put much thought into the commercial or marketing aspects. These were indeed in Suhas’s focus. 

When Suhas mentioned his financial concerns and funding needs, Arin helped him chalk out an elaborate investment plan. Two of them would spend hours together evaluating and thrashing out the available financial options.

On another occasion Avni confessed being nervous and jittery in the presence of others. How her inability to express herself freely often made her feel suffocated. Avni also shared how Arin’s expertise in the kitchen gave her a sense of guilt. Social and familial pressure only added fuel to this fire. She felt that by cooking he was actually fulfilling her responsibilities, making her feel incapable and inefficient.

Arin also agreed how many times he had struggled to make her share her opinion. And how many times this had caused misunderstandings between the two. Yet Avni’s confession was only perceived as a mark of her maturity and inner strength by the rest. The support and morale uplift she received from all, gave her strength and encouragement to further break open her shell.

Kids, their well-being and upbringing were another topic of common interest. Their healthy food intake, need for adequate physical activity and educational learnings were often discussed in detail. Each child differs in his aptitude and interests. They also differ in their need for attention and care. As parents, they all wanted to provide a holistic growth opportunity for their kids, while also preparing them well for the life ahead.

All in all, their social network had become restricted to their neighborhood. While their family and friends were still around virtually, the neighbors were the primary means of a real-world connect. 

Life thus moved on happily for a few months. But as they say, the actual strength of any relationship is tested during difficult times. The same happened in this case too. Avni's work required her to visit the laboratory occasionally. Tragedy struck when she was infected with the notorious virus. As per the norm, she had to stay in complete isolation for at least the next two weeks.

As was expected, Arin took a leave from work to focus completely on supporting Avni through her isolation, while simultaneously managing the house and kid. But quite contrary to general practice in case of a contagious disease, Saloni and Suhas didn’t shy away from helping them. While abiding by all norms of social distancing, they ensured they brought all necessities to Arin’s doorstep. Saloni also insisted that Arin should only focus on ensuring Avni recuperates. She prepared three meals a day for the family, especially keeping in mind Avni's fragile state. Together they all hoped this would end soon.

But destiny had its own plans. Avni though out of the isolation was left weak and in need of complete rest and healing. It's not a surprise that Arin stood beside her in this time of need, supporting her both physically as well as emotionally. The lockdown had meant that Avni and Arin’s families could not come to their support. But this gap was filled by Saloni and Suhas, who constantly stood there providing their care and support, just as the family does. For the next three months, Saloni cooked all meals for the two households. Occasionally she would prepare an elaborate spread, in an attempt to make everyone feel pampered. Suhas helped Arin in other household work. Every now and then they would sit with Avni, talking to her in an attempt to cheer her spirits.

After three months when Avni stepped out of her room for the first time, she expressed a desire to visit Saloni and Suhas. Once in their house, she humbly proclaimed, “Every meal coming from this kitchen is made with love and is a blessing for those who eat it. I pray from the bottom of my heart, may your kitchen flourish, and may it feed thousands of people.”

 

As a child, I was introduced to the concept of ‘Sanjha Chulha’ by my grandmother. It referred to a shared large clay oven in the middle of a village, where all women would gather to make Rotis (bread). The venue, just like the village water well, was a common meeting ground. A place where women of the village could talk about a variety of things, sharing their joys and sorrows, while simultaneously cooking. Sharing something as basic as the need for food, it brought their hearts closer to each other. In these pandemic times, I see many neighboring families coming together to share food and, in the process, share a part of their lives. This sharing keeps our belief in humanity and human values alive.