In Pursuit of Dummy Amie

Amie – her name means the ‘friend’ – and indeed she was my true friend. She was my inspiration. My role model.

Her round big eyes saw everything with a look of astonishment. Her long wavy hair were always neatly tied in a plait. When sad, she would pull a long face, making it further oblong. Even with a broad forehead, straight nose and thin lips she had very plain features. Slim body, tall and lanky legs only added to her homeliness. Combined with her simple dressing and unpretentious conduct, she had nothing remarkable about her.

She would wait for me to finish my work so that she could catch my attention. Yet, whenever I called her, she would hide behind some door or some curtain. Peeping at regular intervals, trying to catch my eye. Even with very few friends, she was a darling for all. Everyone tried talking to her, but she rarely responded. She only stared at them with her big round eyes and smiling face. Timid, sweet and shy – that was my Amie.

She would laugh hysterically on silliest of things. When no one noticed, she pranced around, dancing to her heart's content. She could sing all day long. She could talk to herself in the mirror. At times I would pretend to be busy with my work, while enjoying her antics from the corner of my eyes. And oblivious to my gaze, she would stay busy in her dream world. A world full of smiles, colors, love and all things beautiful.

She loved lying in grass, she played with trees, she adored pretty flowers. Most of the times she would play alone. At times she would sit alone for hours busy with her toys or books or just herself. Anything that she could lay her hands on. Anything that would catch her fancy or fuel her imagination. 

Amie always listened more and spoke less. One would mainly hear her voice when she was either singing or was lost in her own world, busy with her pretend plays. She never fought with her friends or cousins or classmates. She never fought with anyone, as she would always end up crying, with words choking her throat. She obeyed her elders and followed their advice. 

She never asked for anything. No birthday parties, no fancy gifts and no unreasonable demands. She was content with whatever she had, even if it was much less than her peers. I could never fully understand if she didn't know how to make a choice or she was genuinely accepting whatever came her way. From the food served, to clothes bought to gifts received, from luxuries to simplicities, I never heard her complain. She was neither brilliant nor street-smart. More ordinary than even run-of-the-mill.

I particularly don’t remember how, why or since when, but everyone called her Dummy Amie. And she never objected. Sometimes I wondered if she even knew what it really meant. Yet she accepted it as her real name, her true identity. At times I felt she justified the name more than the name justified her. She would miss simple and obvious, would ignore rationality and would perplex in face of complexity and conflict. Yet there were times when she spelled out composite life-theories as easily as two and two make four.

Why I loved my Amie, is something I can never explain. I found her smile infectious. I found her innocence irresistible. I found her simplicity inspirational. My friend, philosopher and guide; my little Amie.

Then it happened as it always happens in life. I had to move on. I changed jobs, got married, moved cities and became entangled with the various roles and responsibilities I took upon myself. My quest of new horizons took me far away from my homeland, away from the place where Amie was. 

Wherever I went, I carried her memory in my heart. Whenever I searched, I could find no one like her. Though I could never forget her, I never really went back to meet her.

Even today a part of me longs to see her again. I continue to search crowded streets, busy roads and social gatherings, hoping to again see that familiar face. I search for that innocence. I continue to live with a hope that I may see those big round eyes again, smiling at me. I hope I will be welcomed again without any questions, without expectations. I continue to search for that simplicity. I continue to search for ordinary. I continue to search for Amie. My Amie.