When Sensibilities Fail, Try Madness for a Change

In the famous Bollywood movie ‘Jab We Met’, the effervescent Geet advises lonely and depressed Aditya to try ‘stupidity’ and ‘madness’. From burning ex-girl-friend’s photograph to jumping into cold river water, each act performed against Aditya’s sense of logic and reasoning, helps him break his shackles.

In a more real world, I do remember a few instances when a silly act of irrationality, saved the day for me. Then be it eating a triple scoop sundae ice-cream on a wet winter evening or taking a lonely walk amidst heavy thunderstorm, such contradictions to normal behaviour have magically healed my ailing heart.

At times these unplanned unexplainable actions can even turn our life’s direction. I remember the time when loneliness was my constant companion. Almost all of my friends and peers were either engaged or committed. I too was under pressure from my family to find a partner and settle for good. However, being a reserved and reticent personality wasn’t of much use for me in this effort. Then one day I opened up a conversation with a complete stranger. How and why that conversation lasted for six hours and how it turned into a life-time of togetherness, is something I still find difficult to explain.

I agree, there is risk involved in such cases. Not every risk can be calculated or accounted for. And there is an inherent dichotomy between intelligence and foolishness. We need to go against one, to adopt the other. Further, here intent is not to justify the extreme cases of irrationality – which can be detrimental to safety of life and property. The objective is to allow ourselves small windows of fresh air, when feeling suffocated. It could be harmless phone calls to friends in the middle of the night to cry your heart out or getting tipsy in a bar to immerse your worries.

A similar incident of seemingly immature behaviour happened with my friend, Tanuja. After being married for 14 years and with two kids between them, their married life if not down the dumps, was at best platonic.

Tanuja is a true romantic at heart. She still firmly believes in roses, surprise gifts and dinner dates. Her world revolves around Ajay, her significant half, his choices and his needs. When planning a family outing, she dresses up in a way he liked. When preparing a meal she considers his preferences. Not waiting for his initiatives, she often messages him sweet-nothings. She looks for ways to surprise him, pamper him & make him smile. She does all this and more, without expecting even a slight gesture of acknowledgment. 

Quite contrary to her, Ajay, has adopted a more sombre outlook towards life. After a tiring day at work, he prefers spending some peaceful time around family and television. He is not averse to occasional display of affection. However, it’s the broader principles of life – like respect, growth and personal space – that are more conducive to his thought process.

I guess over the years, both had learnt to adopt and adapt with each other. However there came a twist in the tale, when Tanuja went for an old-student reunion of her Alma Mater. As is the case during such events, spirits were on a high, nostalgia prevailing, buddies meeting after ages, walking down memory lanes….and to continue the euphoria someone came up with an idea of planning a vacation together. After the initial drop-outs, only five remained standing. Three men and two women, one of them being Tanuja.

However, this is not the twist in the tale. Fully confident on Ajay’s views on her independence and choices, she had agreed to participate, without even checking with him. All was confirmed, decided upon and finalised. On reaching home, Tanuja excitedly shared her plan with Ajay, who as expected fully supported her decision. Seeing his reaction, Tanuja became even more excited, and started narrating the remaining details. In her excitement, she completely missed seeing the first signs of jealousy which came on Ajay’s face when he heard the name – Shantanu.

Shantanu, Tanuja’s old class-mate, had specially flown down for the re-union. A successful entrepreneur, a rich and famous personality, Shantanu settled in foreign lands almost two decades ago. The trip was his idea and he was also getting all the arrangements done. From hotel reservations to travel itinerary, he had graciously taken up all responsibilities. And last but not the least, and the reason for Ajay’s sudden discomfort – Shantanu was also Tanuja’s old flame. The two had been pretty thick during school times, but never took the relationship to the next level. They stayed in touch for some time after school too, but once Shantanu moved his base to a foreign country, they lost touch. Both got busy with their careers and family responsibilities, and never really made any attempt to get in touch, until…..Until they met again at the school reunion.

Ajay on the other hand has known these details all along. Tanuja has never hidden anything from him, and nor was she trying to hide something now. As the trip planning progressed, she updated Ajay with all details and all no-nothings. As always, she was seeking his opinion and advice on all things possible – from clothes to accessories, from documentation to books and music for the journey.

However, what they both failed to notice was jealousy and mistrust brewing in Ajay’s heart. Though he could not find any evidence to support his fear, it was lingering with him day and night. Needless to say making him short-tempered and irritable. Initially Tanuja tried to ignore these tantrums under the garb of work-pressure. However, when Ajay’s behaviour did not show any signs of improvement nor any apparent causation, it had a reverse effect on her. Tanuja convinced herself that she must join the trip, as a much-needed break from Ajay and his dictatorship. And so, they spent the next ten days amidst a tense silence.

After ten days, as scheduled Tanuja packed her bags and left for the airport. But not without a major fight between Ajay and her, each accusing the other of irrationality and emotional stupidity. As the flight took off, she closed her eyes, both as an attempt to prevent tears from rolling down and to push back the memories of the day. All she had wanted was a short break away from her daily routines and responsibilities. Now that too seemed like a distant dream.

Once alone in her room, Tanuja sat next to the window. Quietly brooding over the events in last few days. She had very little idea about what may have transpired. Her thoughts were oscillating between calling up Ajay and clearing the air or forgetting about it completely for next couple of days. For a passing minute she even contemplated cancelling the trip and heading back home. Finally, she decided, she will send him a message and will park the discussion till the time they can talk about it peacefully. The only catch, she didn’t know how long that ‘time’ will be considering Ajay’s busy schedules.

A sudden knock on the door, broke her chain of thoughts. Thinking it might be Shantanu, looking for something, she opened the door. It turned out to be Ajay. In a true movie-hero style, he had applied for an unplanned unscheduled vacation, to spend some time with Tanuja.

What years of togetherness, love and respect could not achieve, became reality with as negative an emotion as Jealousy!!! When sensibilities failed, madness prevailed!!!