And he stepped out....

Vikram had achieved all that he has ever dreamt of as a boy. A stable job, luxury cars, a big and well-designed house, every fancy gadget and equipment available in the market, annual foreign vacations in addition to regular business trips, etc etc. He had been married for 17 years to his college sweetheart Vandita. She too was successfully managing her own venture. After all these years, they were still happily married, or so they believed. With two teenaged kids between them, it seemed like a picture-perfect marriage. All in all – almost a happily-ever-after kind of life – that he could proudly boast of among his friends. And he often did too.

Yet if someone looked closely, the hollowness inside him and the cracks between them, were evidently visible. As a family, they came together only during vacations. On regular days each was busy with their own commitments and tight schedules. With Vikram and Vandita shuttling between work and work-related calls, and kids in their school and extra-curricular activities, they barely managed to catch up with each other.

On weekends Vikram would usually sit alone in front of his large TV screen, with his glass of drink as his only companion. Vandita no longer liked spending time with him or with his soccer and cricket matches. Over the years she had given up complaining about his lack of interest in either their household tasks or her venture. Thus, she would manage both with an army of helps he had hired for her. It still meant that she had to be present there for giving instructions and ensuring these were followed.

Vikram was of the opinion that after giving his blood and sweat to his work for a full week he had earned his right to relaxation. He needed to recharge himself for the coming week, fill himself with the same vigor and rigor. Buying groceries and other essentials were surely not Vikram’s definition of relaxation. No, he didn’t expect Vandita to spend her time on these mundane tasks either. With the intention of getting these tasks completed, he ensured there was sufficient and more help present at both home and her office. However, anytime he tried to sit with her for a peaceful evening, he found her distracted. She would keep thinking of the kitchen or kids or would keep checking her mobile. The peaceful evening would always end up as a crib and complain session, with Vikram making a futile attempt at pacifying her anxieties. So, he stopped asking her to be with him.

Kids too had grown up and were quite busy in their own world. When both parents have demanding jobs, kids often learn to manage their own stuff. This is surely a positive as it prepares them for becoming independent adults. Hence neither Vikram nor Vandita felt anything out of the ordinary when their growing kids started spending their free time in their respective rooms with their books, computer games, schoolwork, etc. Their majority time was anyway occupied with school and coaching classes.

All in all, they were co-existing happily. Meeting regularly but being together rarely. Even during social gatherings Vikram and Vandita stayed in separate groups. They no longer had common topics to talk about, or if a topic came up, they almost never agreed. The difference in their outlook was too evident to miss. Thus, to avoid public mockery they maintained a respectable distance when among family or friends.

Thus, they both continued with their respective lives under the same roof. Vikram was more aware of the emptiness of their relationship and their lives. Vandita filled her emptiness and time with her venture. So, when Vikram informed her that he had to travel during the coming weekend for an official offsite, she only felt a sense of relief. For her, it meant she had a few things less to plan and take care of during those two days. She didn’t need to accommodate his random and sudden weekend plans, which mostly left her schedules messed up. She looked forward to using this available time for completing some pending tasks.

 

Once at the resort, Vikram spent the day having fun, just like he and his other colleagues intended to. The team had prepared many games and activities, and the day went by with no time to think about anything. These official offsites are always aimed at team-building and corporate networking. And like everyone else, Vikram didn’t hesitate from taking advantage of this opportunity.

During dinner, he was sitting with his counterpart and head of another department. They were busy talking about targets, achievements, management strategies, and whatnot when Nehal joined them. Nehal had joined the other team about a year back. Within a short span, she had earned a name for herself. On the few occasions when Vikram had a chance to interact with her for work, she did live up to her reputation. Nehal had moved out of an abusive marriage and was now a single parent to a ten-year-old boy. As the conversation progressed Vikram couldn’t deny that he was nothing short of impressed. The conversation proved to be interesting and entertaining and yet very mature and logical.

After that day Vikram and Nehal kept meeting in the office. Sometimes for work, at times only for a cup of coffee. Vikram enjoyed talking to Nehal. She was smart and independent, with a strong opinion, yet easy to talk to. If she disagreed with him, she would firmly voice out her thoughts, without becoming argumentation. When in agreement he could see it was because she was logically aligned. His designation had no bearing on her agreement or disagreement. A trait Vikram started to admire a lot. Over time they discovered many such distinguishing characteristics in each other, which led to mutual admiration and respect.

Time passed by and a few months later their company organized a family picnic. Vikram’s kids had long outgrown such events and Vandita had her own engagements to manage. However, Reyansh, Nehal’s ten-year-old joined enthusiastically.

Reyansh was everything Vikram wanted his son to be. A sports enthusiast, who loved climbing trees and shouted out loud during the matches. Vikram and Reyansh got on together like wildfire. Seeing Reyansh talk about sports, Vikram remembered how he had to reluctantly give in when Vandita insisted on enrolling their son for piano lessons and not cricket coaching.

Like all possessive mothers, Nehal too kept a close eye on Reyansh and his antics. However, unlike Vandita she didn’t curtail his adventures with her fears of a mishap. When Reyansh insisted on sitting on a tree branch to get a stadium view of the match, Nehal didn’t stop him. She only ensured that he was perched safely on a solid piece of wood. This was unimaginable with Vandita, Vikram thought.

During lunch, Reyansh was respectful with Nehal’s colleagues and pally with other kids. Seeing him Vikram was constantly reminded of how his own kids would stay in their own zone during any social event. However hard he tried, he couldn’t ignore how far he felt from his own kids, and how close to Reyansh.

“I know I can’t be a father to him,” Nehal said as they managed to catch a few moments together. “Nor do I try. I only try to be a better mother.” Vikram felt a pang of pain as he realized that between himself and Vandita they probably weren’t even half of it. He silently kept looking at Reyansh from a distance.

From that day onwards Vikram couldn’t keep himself from meeting Nehal. After every official event, he would drop her home and would use the opportunity to meet Reyansh. On a couple of occasions, he even spent some time playing video games with Reyansh, something he had never done with his own son. Reyansh too reciprocated his affections and would excitedly tell him about his school and matches. On such occasions, Nehal silently maintained a respectable distance from them. She neither facilitated the discussion nor curtailed it. With passing time Vikram grew to be fond of both Nehal and Reyansh. At times he felt more at home with them, than in his own house. And this thought made him uncomfortable.

Filled with guilt, he tried coming closer to his own family, but to no avail. Every time he tried helping Vandita, it left her more irritated than before. Their thought processes and approach to life were so different that she didn’t seem to like even the simple tasks he would try to help with. In a few desperate attempts, he even tried following her instructions to the last dot. However still something was missing, something he couldn’t spot, something that wasn’t right. The job was only done, but not to Vandita’s satisfaction. Somehow, she only derived satisfaction from a job if she completed it herself. Else, something was always missing, or half done. And soon he gave up again.

On the contrary, whatever little help he would extend towards Nehal and Reyansh was highly appreciated. We all tend to take our own family and friends for granted. Vikram was aware of this and kept reminding himself. Many a time he tried to convince himself that his family still needed him. Yet they seemed so distant.

Nehal was raising Reyansh to be an independent kid, but his childhood was not curbed. He had the option of making mistakes and learning from them. Vikram’s kids too were independent, but they grew up under the strong guidance of Vandita, a strict disciplinarian. This meant they were used to following a regimen, with little scope for deviation. Vikram and Vandita had done everything in their means to also pamper their kids, and to meet all their requirements. However, after meeting Reyansh, Vikram felt a difference. He saw his own childhood in Reyansh’s free-spiritedness, a trait completely missing in his own kids.

At the same time, Vikram’s bonding with Nehal was also strengthening. After a few colleagues passed some loose comments, Nehal and Vikram started maintaining a safe distance in the office. They would still meet, but only with common friends. Never alone, never just two of them. But it was clear that they couldn’t keep themselves from connecting. The connection and attraction were too strong.

 

And then one day Vikram stepped out of his fear, inhibitions, and guilt.

It was an inconspicuous weekend. After a heated argument with Vandita, Vikram drove out of the house, without a particular destination in mind. It wasn’t a major issue. Yet the recurrence of such events had now started testing his patience level. With each passing event, he was becoming increasingly intolerable to these discussions. As had happened in past, Vandita assumed that this time too he will spend his time on a long drive or with a book at a coffee shop. Thus she didn’t bother to call or check his whereabouts for the next few hours.

However, Vikram found himself ringing Nehal’s doorbell. Nehal opened the door to find the unexpected guest. But seeing his expressions, she silently stepped aside giving him space to enter the house. As he quietly settled on the sofa, without a prompt she presented a glass of water for him. For the next ten minutes, both kept quiet. Nehal understood that something had perturbed his core. She was sensible enough not to throw a stone in murky waters. Hence kept silent.

After some time, without uttering a word, Nehal got up and went into the kitchen to prepare coffee. A cup of coffee and conversations was his all-time favorite combination on a peaceful evening, something she knew well by now. She hoped it would help him open up today too.

When she came back he was watching the replay of an old match. Even though his eyes were staring at the television, she could see that his minds and thoughts were elsewhere. As she entered, holding two cups of coffee, he asked about Reyansh. He had gone to spend the weekend with his grandparents and was due to be back only by the next evening.

The privacy of the house, the loneliness, and the togetherness, none of these was something they had planned or anticipated. It was for the first time that the two were together, within the confines and comfort of the house, and away from prying eyes. Yet, for some unsaid reason, it made them comfortable. 

Just as Nehal had expected, coffee, conversations, and the calmness of the surroundings were helping Vikram feel at ease. Leaving behind his inhibitions, he was beginning to open up about his true emotions. He was slowly stepping out of his mental, social and emotional barriers of being a committed and happily married man.  

Hours later as Vikram was leaving her house, Nehal came to the front door to see him off. As he approached his car, she smiled and said, “I will understand if you don’t want to come back ever.”

He turned and walked back to her. He stood there for a minute, looking at that calm face. Then he cupped her face in his hands and said, “Off course I will come back. And very soon too.”