And he stepped out....

Vikram had achieved all that he has ever dreamt of as a boy. A stable job, luxury cars, a big and well-designed house, every fancy gadget and equipment available in the market, annual foreign vacations in addition to regular business trips, etc etc. He had been married for 17 years to his college sweetheart Vandita. She too was successfully managing her own venture. After all these years, they were still happily married, or so they believed. With two teenaged kids between them, it seemed like a picture-perfect marriage. All in all – almost a happily-ever-after kind of life – that he could proudly boast of among his friends. And he often did too.

Yet if someone looked closely, the hollowness inside him and the cracks between them, were evidently visible. As a family, they came together only during vacations. On regular days each was busy with their own commitments and tight schedules. With Vikram and Vandita shuttling between work and work-related calls, and kids in their school and extra-curricular activities, they barely managed to catch up with each other.

On weekends Vikram would usually sit alone in front of his large TV screen, with his glass of drink as his only companion. Vandita no longer liked spending time with him or with his soccer and cricket matches. Over the years she had given up complaining about his lack of interest in either their household tasks or her venture. Thus, she would manage both with an army of helps he had hired for her. It still meant that she had to be present there for giving instructions and ensuring these were followed.

Vikram was of the opinion that after giving his blood and sweat to his work for a full week he had earned his right to relaxation. He needed to recharge himself for the coming week, fill himself with the same vigor and rigor. Buying groceries and other essentials were surely not Vikram’s definition of relaxation. No, he didn’t expect Vandita to spend her time on these mundane tasks either. With the intention of getting these tasks completed, he ensured there was sufficient and more help present at both home and her office. However, anytime he tried to sit with her for a peaceful evening, he found her distracted. She would keep thinking of the kitchen or kids or would keep checking her mobile. The peaceful evening would always end up as a crib and complain session, with Vikram making a futile attempt at pacifying her anxieties. So, he stopped asking her to be with him.

Kids too had grown up and were quite busy in their own world. When both parents have demanding jobs, kids often learn to manage their own stuff. This is surely a positive as it prepares them for becoming independent adults. Hence neither Vikram nor Vandita felt anything out of the ordinary when their growing kids started spending their free time in their respective rooms with their books, computer games, schoolwork, etc. Their majority time was anyway occupied with school and coaching classes.

All in all, they were co-existing happily. Meeting regularly but being together rarely. Even during social gatherings Vikram and Vandita stayed in separate groups. They no longer had common topics to talk about, or if a topic came up, they almost never agreed. The difference in their outlook was too evident to miss. Thus, to avoid public mockery they maintained a respectable distance when among family or friends.

Thus, they both continued with their respective lives under the same roof. Vikram was more aware of the emptiness of their relationship and their lives. Vandita filled her emptiness and time with her venture. So, when Vikram informed her that he had to travel during the coming weekend for an official offsite, she only felt a sense of relief. For her, it meant she had a few things less to plan and take care of during those two days. She didn’t need to accommodate his random and sudden weekend plans, which mostly left her schedules messed up. She looked forward to using this available time for completing some pending tasks.

 

Once at the resort, Vikram spent the day having fun, just like he and his other colleagues intended to. The team had prepared many games and activities, and the day went by with no time to think about anything. These official offsites are always aimed at team-building and corporate networking. And like everyone else, Vikram didn’t hesitate from taking advantage of this opportunity.

During dinner, he was sitting with his counterpart and head of another department. They were busy talking about targets, achievements, management strategies, and whatnot when Nehal joined them. Nehal had joined the other team about a year back. Within a short span, she had earned a name for herself. On the few occasions when Vikram had a chance to interact with her for work, she did live up to her reputation. Nehal had moved out of an abusive marriage and was now a single parent to a ten-year-old boy. As the conversation progressed Vikram couldn’t deny that he was nothing short of impressed. The conversation proved to be interesting and entertaining and yet very mature and logical.

After that day Vikram and Nehal kept meeting in the office. Sometimes for work, at times only for a cup of coffee. Vikram enjoyed talking to Nehal. She was smart and independent, with a strong opinion, yet easy to talk to. If she disagreed with him, she would firmly voice out her thoughts, without becoming argumentation. When in agreement he could see it was because she was logically aligned. His designation had no bearing on her agreement or disagreement. A trait Vikram started to admire a lot. Over time they discovered many such distinguishing characteristics in each other, which led to mutual admiration and respect.

Time passed by and a few months later their company organized a family picnic. Vikram’s kids had long outgrown such events and Vandita had her own engagements to manage. However, Reyansh, Nehal’s ten-year-old joined enthusiastically.

Reyansh was everything Vikram wanted his son to be. A sports enthusiast, who loved climbing trees and shouted out loud during the matches. Vikram and Reyansh got on together like wildfire. Seeing Reyansh talk about sports, Vikram remembered how he had to reluctantly give in when Vandita insisted on enrolling their son for piano lessons and not cricket coaching.

Like all possessive mothers, Nehal too kept a close eye on Reyansh and his antics. However, unlike Vandita she didn’t curtail his adventures with her fears of a mishap. When Reyansh insisted on sitting on a tree branch to get a stadium view of the match, Nehal didn’t stop him. She only ensured that he was perched safely on a solid piece of wood. This was unimaginable with Vandita, Vikram thought.

During lunch, Reyansh was respectful with Nehal’s colleagues and pally with other kids. Seeing him Vikram was constantly reminded of how his own kids would stay in their own zone during any social event. However hard he tried, he couldn’t ignore how far he felt from his own kids, and how close to Reyansh.

“I know I can’t be a father to him,” Nehal said as they managed to catch a few moments together. “Nor do I try. I only try to be a better mother.” Vikram felt a pang of pain as he realized that between himself and Vandita they probably weren’t even half of it. He silently kept looking at Reyansh from a distance.

From that day onwards Vikram couldn’t keep himself from meeting Nehal. After every official event, he would drop her home and would use the opportunity to meet Reyansh. On a couple of occasions, he even spent some time playing video games with Reyansh, something he had never done with his own son. Reyansh too reciprocated his affections and would excitedly tell him about his school and matches. On such occasions, Nehal silently maintained a respectable distance from them. She neither facilitated the discussion nor curtailed it. With passing time Vikram grew to be fond of both Nehal and Reyansh. At times he felt more at home with them, than in his own house. And this thought made him uncomfortable.

Filled with guilt, he tried coming closer to his own family, but to no avail. Every time he tried helping Vandita, it left her more irritated than before. Their thought processes and approach to life were so different that she didn’t seem to like even the simple tasks he would try to help with. In a few desperate attempts, he even tried following her instructions to the last dot. However still something was missing, something he couldn’t spot, something that wasn’t right. The job was only done, but not to Vandita’s satisfaction. Somehow, she only derived satisfaction from a job if she completed it herself. Else, something was always missing, or half done. And soon he gave up again.

On the contrary, whatever little help he would extend towards Nehal and Reyansh was highly appreciated. We all tend to take our own family and friends for granted. Vikram was aware of this and kept reminding himself. Many a time he tried to convince himself that his family still needed him. Yet they seemed so distant.

Nehal was raising Reyansh to be an independent kid, but his childhood was not curbed. He had the option of making mistakes and learning from them. Vikram’s kids too were independent, but they grew up under the strong guidance of Vandita, a strict disciplinarian. This meant they were used to following a regimen, with little scope for deviation. Vikram and Vandita had done everything in their means to also pamper their kids, and to meet all their requirements. However, after meeting Reyansh, Vikram felt a difference. He saw his own childhood in Reyansh’s free-spiritedness, a trait completely missing in his own kids.

At the same time, Vikram’s bonding with Nehal was also strengthening. After a few colleagues passed some loose comments, Nehal and Vikram started maintaining a safe distance in the office. They would still meet, but only with common friends. Never alone, never just two of them. But it was clear that they couldn’t keep themselves from connecting. The connection and attraction were too strong.

 

And then one day Vikram stepped out of his fear, inhibitions, and guilt.

It was an inconspicuous weekend. After a heated argument with Vandita, Vikram drove out of the house, without a particular destination in mind. It wasn’t a major issue. Yet the recurrence of such events had now started testing his patience level. With each passing event, he was becoming increasingly intolerable to these discussions. As had happened in past, Vandita assumed that this time too he will spend his time on a long drive or with a book at a coffee shop. Thus she didn’t bother to call or check his whereabouts for the next few hours.

However, Vikram found himself ringing Nehal’s doorbell. Nehal opened the door to find the unexpected guest. But seeing his expressions, she silently stepped aside giving him space to enter the house. As he quietly settled on the sofa, without a prompt she presented a glass of water for him. For the next ten minutes, both kept quiet. Nehal understood that something had perturbed his core. She was sensible enough not to throw a stone in murky waters. Hence kept silent.

After some time, without uttering a word, Nehal got up and went into the kitchen to prepare coffee. A cup of coffee and conversations was his all-time favorite combination on a peaceful evening, something she knew well by now. She hoped it would help him open up today too.

When she came back he was watching the replay of an old match. Even though his eyes were staring at the television, she could see that his minds and thoughts were elsewhere. As she entered, holding two cups of coffee, he asked about Reyansh. He had gone to spend the weekend with his grandparents and was due to be back only by the next evening.

The privacy of the house, the loneliness, and the togetherness, none of these was something they had planned or anticipated. It was for the first time that the two were together, within the confines and comfort of the house, and away from prying eyes. Yet, for some unsaid reason, it made them comfortable. 

Just as Nehal had expected, coffee, conversations, and the calmness of the surroundings were helping Vikram feel at ease. Leaving behind his inhibitions, he was beginning to open up about his true emotions. He was slowly stepping out of his mental, social and emotional barriers of being a committed and happily married man.  

Hours later as Vikram was leaving her house, Nehal came to the front door to see him off. As he approached his car, she smiled and said, “I will understand if you don’t want to come back ever.”

He turned and walked back to her. He stood there for a minute, looking at that calm face. Then he cupped her face in his hands and said, “Off course I will come back. And very soon too.” 

I am just a little anxious, little worried!!

“The first step in solving a problem is to identify that there is one.”

These words of the therapist were still echoing in Chitra’s mind as she entered the book shop. Half an hour ago she had stepped out of the therapist’s office after completing her hour-long session. This was her third meeting with him, and it was only today that he had started explaining the real problem to her.

Chitra had walked out of his office carrying a mixed bag of emotions. She felt light in her head, with a sense of relief having spoken her mind out freely, without any fear of being judged. She felt a boost of confidence which would defeat her internal daemons. She was beginning to develop a new perspective towards her old self. It was like putting an ointment on her ailing heart.  

Once inside the book shop, she started browsing through the psychology section. Determined to adopt a constructive approach towards life, she needed to understand the process, as described by the therapist. The process of CBT – Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. The approach where one follows a conscious and structured process towards changing one’s behavior and habits.

 

 

It's difficult to say when did it all actually start. It was yet another day and as always Chitra was glued to her office laptop, after coming back from work. She heard the door of the house open, and her eleven-year-old daughter, Naina came in. Without looking away from the laptop, Chitra asked if she was hungry or needed something else. “No, I am good.” Naina replied and went into her room. Hours later, at the dinner table, Chitra noticed a bandage on Naina’s hand.

“What happened? When did this happen? How did you get hurt? Is it something serious?” Chitra was worried. And quite obviously so.

 “I fell while cycling.”

“Where? How did it happen? Were you distracted? Is it a bad hurt? Will you show it to me now? Who did the dressing for you? Did you apply any anti-septic? Today I was home before you, then why didn’t you tell me anything? I even asked you, but you replied saying all is good.” She kept asking, without a pause. Not getting any space to speak, Naina kept quiet.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Chitra was beginning to get impatient.

“Because you always over-react. To everything.” And with this Naina got up and went into her room.

 

 

Chitra sat down on the dining chair, with tears filling her eyes, throat, and her heart. She was hurt.

She reacted because she cared. She reacted because she is worried for her daughter. She reacted because she is afraid. Because she doesn’t want any harm to come to her darling.

She felt rejected. She felt dejected. As if her love and care were not valued at all. What was wrong in asking those questions? Anyone in her place would have asked the same questions. Then what is wrong if she asked them? Why does she get these reactions?

She was angry. She decided she’ll give a piece of her mind to Naina. How dare she speaks like that to her mother?!! This was insulting. Naina must remember her manners.

 

Chitra carried her anger and hurt with her to her office the next day. She hadn’t spoken to Naina since then, and why should she, Naina had not apologized for her behavior. Once in office, she discussed with her colleagues how thankless and careless the current generation was. She complained about their lack of discipline. She criticized their lack of focus and their overconfidence. Together they complained about their kids and then went about their regular work. The crib session didn’t change anything but was only a medium to get some load off their chests.

The situation stayed tense back home too. Naina and her dad tried behaving normally, but Chitra remained terse. She still felt the hurt. It was not the first time that Naina or her dad had ridiculed Chitra’s expressions of love and care. They would often tell her to ‘take a chill pill’. They meant the world to her. Yet it seemed for them her love and care was only a topic for mockery and fun.

They often teased her with names like ‘Mrs. Worrisome’, ‘Tension Queen’, ‘Moody Mommie’, ‘Angry Bird’ etc. She mostly ignored it as friendly banter, but on occasions like these, things would irk her a little more. But life continued, and soon all was forgotten, as always.

 

It was only when Mrs. Ahuja, Chitra’s elderly neighbor, patted on Chitra’s hand, that she felt the first jolt.

Mrs. Ahuja was extremely fond of Naina. Two generations apart, two of them shared a unique bond. Whenever Chitra got late from work, Naina would spend her after-school hours in Mrs. Ahuja’s house. They complemented each other well. While Naina enjoyed talking about her school, friends, and teachers, Mrs. Ahuja thoroughly enjoyed listening. Chitra too was thankful for Mrs. Ahuja’s unconditional support.

On this particular day, which happened to be a lazy slow Saturday evening, Chitra paid Mrs. Ahuja a visit. As they settled with their teacups, conversations flowed, transcending the boundaries of any given topic or objective. Chitra happened to narrate the above incident. She shared her displeasure with Naina’s behavior. Mrs. Ahuja only smiled.

After a pause, she patted Chitra’s hand lightly. “Be careful Chitra! If she can’t share such small problems with you, how do you expect her to share real-life challenges with you?”

Chitra sat stunned as if hit by a thunderbolt. In all her anger, her complaints, and her hurt, she had not once thought of it from Naina’s perspective. It suddenly seemed to her as if she has failed as a mother. She had failed her daughter, the one person she loved the most in this world. All her love, care, all she had done to protect her child, all her efforts, her hard work, was going down the drain. Naina didn’t trust her. Naina didn’t share her hurts, her pain with her mother.

 

It took Chitra three long years to cover the distance between Mrs. Ahuja’s sofa and the Therapist’s chair. And it was probably the most difficult journey that she had ever taken.

From reading parenting self-help books to meeting Naina’s school counselor, Chitra tried various approaches. Everything and everyone told her to be more patient with the child. But she couldn’t let her guards down. She tried protecting Naina at every step. Every day, every minute. Yet Naina could neither see it nor appreciate it. She seemed to be moving away. More Chitra tried getting closer to her, more Naina resisted.

On the face of it, all seemed normal. Naina was growing up fine. She was doing well in her studies. Her teachers and friends were fond of her. She laughed and spoke lovingly to her parents. But Chitra was always worried that she is hiding something. She often asked Naina questions about school, food, her likes, and dislikes, her friends, her hobbies, etc. More often than not, she got plain simple responses. But she did make an attempt to read between the lines. She had to be careful. It’s a mother’s job to be careful about her child.

From her food to clothing, from her friends to her studies, Chitra had always kept a close watch on everything. As a mother, she took pride in the fact that Naina ate healthy food most of the time. Junk or fast food was only allowed on occasional special events. Her screen time was also well under control. On days Chitra got late coming from the office, she preferred Naina spending time in Mrs. Ahuja’s house, completing her homework, than loitering around with her neighborhood friends. Chitra was sure sincerity, hard work, and dedication are values that will help Naina in long run. Anyway, she couldn’t trust other kids. One can never be sure what values are being taught at their homes.

If Naina didn’t complain about her studies or friends, Chitra felt that’s because she doesn’t want to share. And this scared Chitra, as she worried that this might land Naina into trouble. On the other hand, if Naina did complain, Chitra would promptly warn her to stay away from the troublemakers. Her advice was simple, do not do anything wrong, and do not be with people who may do something wrong. In one line, leave no room for making a mistake. Mistakes happen due to carelessness. Mistakes can be costly.

In her heart Chitra knew she was only doing this to protect Naina, a sweet, unassuming, and innocent kid. She was easily trusting as she still hadn’t seen the ugly side of this world. Being a single girl child, only made her more vulnerable and susceptible. The best way to protect her from any harm was to keep her away from mean and ill-meaning people. She kept reminding Naina how naïve and gullible she is, and how other kids could easily outsmart her. She encouraged Naina to stay indoors, and have minimal friends, to prevent being taken for a ride. Prevention to ensure Protection.

 

Chitra herself had a small social circle and she had limited interaction with people outside of work and family. She consciously and deliberately intended to keep it the same. While she enjoyed having cordial relations with most around her, she would refrain from either getting too close or from sharing anything too personal. Even with Mrs. Ahuja, who could be considered one of the closest friends and companion Chitra had, she never spoke about matters close to her heart. She had lost touch with her childhood friends after marriage and Naina. Any new relationship would have required time and effort, which were already a scarcity. Office colleagues should not be trusted with personal matters, as a matter of principle. Social gatherings and events meant time away from family and household work. In a nutshell, all this was too much effort, with too little benefit. So Chitra never felt inclined towards expanding her social network.

As a result, all of Chitra’s time, outside of work hours, was dedicated to her family. Naina was undisputedly the focus of her attention and efforts, and rightly so. Naina’s father was a man of independent thought processes. This made Chitra feel that he didn’t value her opinions or suggestions. He didn’t hide anything from her, yet Chitra stayed with the thought that she could do little to influence his decisions or actions. No, they were not an ‘estranged couple’. Yet he was neither the best friend who would understand her, nor did he match the mythical image of a loving and caring husband. He fulfilled all his duties of a husband and a father, but somehow always a lot was left unmet. He could never really meet Chitra’s expectations, is what he thought. He never really made a genuine effort is what she believed.

For Chitra, her world was limited to her family. Strangely they didn’t seem to appreciate or even recognize it. At times she felt alone with them too. They didn’t seem to understand her concerns or worries. Whatever she did, she did it for their good. Yet, they never saw it from her perspective. For them, she was putting across indefinite restrictions and was endlessly worried.     

 

It all started worsening when Chitra came across an article on how stress or trauma can have a damaging impact on people, and particularly on kids. It explained that kids who don’t share their emotions usually end up with lots of bottled-up and frustrated emotions. Chitra’s first thought was of Naina. She started looking for more such articles. One thing led to another – from behavioral patterns to personality types. There was a hoard of material available, easily accessible and freely floating, covering a wide variety of topics.

The more she read, the more immersed she got. She started making her own inferences, drawing her own conclusions. She read extensively, took freely available personality tests, tests for depression and trauma, navigated through numerous theories, and pondered over those recommendations. The more she thought about it, the more convinced she became that things were not going right.

Chitra tried talking to her husband, but he brushed aside her suggestions. “Naina is fine. And she will be fine. You are unnecessarily worrying.” And he continued with his work. Chitra never brought up the topic again. She tried talking to Mrs. Ahuja in some round-about ways. She tried probing Mrs. Ahuja to find if Naina was confiding in her. In return, she only got some advice on not worrying too much, which she promptly brushed aside. How can she not worry, she is the mother. And thus, Chitra continued with her thoughts, worries, and anxieties. Since others around her didn’t understand her, so she stopped sharing but continued worrying.

 

They say every step is important in a journey. The same was true for Chitra. One day during a casual conversation in the office, her boss mentioned that he is getting a psycho-analysis test done for his son. This was one of the requirements, to be submitted with other legal documents while joining a new job. Chitra’s manager had traveled the world on his work assignments, had seen many cultures and systems very closely. He was also a voracious reader, a quality Chitra immensely admired.

As the conversation progressed, he explained how words like ‘therapy’, ‘counseling’, ‘psychology’, and ‘psychiatrist’ were not taboo in many cultures. He spoke about how some societies are more open to the idea of mental wellbeing. How the approach of holistic health is a combination of physical and psychological health. How each is incomplete without the other.

Chitra heard every word but imbibed none. “It's only people who are mentally unwell who need these kinds of treatments”, she convinced herself. She and her family are absolutely normal. Yet, the thought stayed with her. Even after her best attempts, she couldn’t brush them aside. After a few more days of internet-based search, she decided to meet someone.

Chitra was sure this would be her secret. She knew her husband and family would again make fun of her if she told them. She had no friends whom she could trust with something so sensitive. Chitra was always very conscious of what she was sharing with the world. She never trusted anyone so much that they could have control over her choices or her decisions. It was her way of ensuring people don’t take undue advantage of her trust.

Thus, started Chitra’s next phase of the journey, behind the curtains of secrecy and privacy. After an extensive search through online reviews, educational and qualification, years of experience, appointment schedules, location of availability, and multiple other factors, Chitra short-listed a therapist she decided to meet. She just knew she had to meet someone to get a professional stamp on her theories and thought process. At least that will make her husband and daughter listen to her. Hopefully, they’ll value the advice from a qualified person. Everyone had been ignoring her concerns for too long. In her mind, she was convinced that she was taking this step only to prove to her family that she doesn’t just rants without reason.

 

Her first meeting with the therapist was a one-sided affair. She spoke and he listened. Chitra must have spoken for over an hour, explaining her concerns, narrating supporting instances, re-emphasizing her beliefs, and justifying her actions and reactions. He mainly heard her. Very intently, very patiently. He did ask a few questions in between, but they were not very interrogative. On the contrary, they only helped move her story ahead. He also limited his remarks to a minimal, “I see”, “I understand”, “hmmm”.

At the end of it, he asked her to come back for a longer duration. He wanted to do an elaborate interview. It may cost a bit, he explained, as his interview will be based on comprehensive psycho-analytical tools. Chitra assumed these tests were only to check the severity of the situation. The thought that these meetings and discussions will somehow miraculously address all her worries and concerns, gave her a sense of comfort. Not in her wildest imagination did she think that these tests might assess her phycological health.    

 

As Chitra settled in the therapist’s chair for the third time, her apprehensions were almost touching the skies. She almost wanted to run away from there. She kept reminding herself that this conversation will only be between the therapist and her. Thus, she needn’t worry. Worst case, it will always remain her little secret. Just like many of her other thoughts, fears, and worries.

As the conversation unfolded, the therapist explained the rationale behind every question and the scientific interpretation of Chitra’s responses. It took her a few minutes to accept that here she was the subject of assessment, and not her family. But for some strange reason, the therapist’s words were neither insulting nor disturbing. Normally anyone even slightly suggesting such a possibility would have had to face Chitra’s wrath. But today was different. For some strange reason, this conversation was different.

“Chitra, you must understand that none of these changes happen overnight.” The therapist explained. “We all feel anxious during some point in life. But chronic and recurring anxiety can lead to behavioral changes and personality disorders.”

“No Doctor, I don't get this" Chitra found it difficult to accept. "I agree that I worry about my family but that's only because I care. And that's the kind of person I am. Which is absolutely fine. There are different kinds of people in this world. I am like this. Just because I am different from others does not make me abnormal."

"How is it that I am perfectly normal in my behavior?" She continued. "If I was going mad, I am sure my family would have guessed. This could even be a mistake. Neither my family, my relations, my friends or my colleagues ever thought it like this. Else they would have told me.” It was still very blurry for Chitra.

“No. Anxiety is different from phycological depression. It certainly is very different from mental disorders or what in layman's language is called madness. Not every person coughing is suffering from tuberculosis. Isn’t it?” And he laughed a little. This was certainly reassuring.

"Similarly the treatment and approach vary depending on the severity of the condition." He continued. "When a patient complains of headache, we do thorough checks before giving medication for migraine or brain tumor. Similarly, every person who visits a psychologist can not be treated for mental illness. In fact, some people do not need any medication. They come to us because they need counseling, and they don't have anyone who would give them honest and correct advice. Friends and family usually fail in providing that." 

"I have read extensively on mental health and factors that contribute towards it. I am also following some of those recommendations, like healthy food, exercise, and sufficient hours of sleep. I also try to encourage my daughter to follow it. From taking breaks to trying new things, we practice almost everything that's suggested for healthy living." There were still missing links in her mind. The dots were beginning to connect, but not completely. 

The doctor patiently explained, "There certainly is a lot of focus on mental health these days. There is no denying the fact that these practices help in healthy living. At the same time, if all diseases could be cured only by eating healthy and living healthy, the medical profession wouldn't have existed. Unfortunately though getting treated for phycological aberrations is still a taboo in our society."    

As the conversation progressed, Chitra started to clearly differentiate between all the theories she had been reading and her own real problem. While phycological depression is gaining a lot of attention in the current times, anxiety is not seen as a concern. Also, since most people experience anxiety at some point in life, it is not seen as an abnormality. Yet, it is a deviation from normal behavior. It is normal to feel anxious in certain situations. But if the feeling persists for a longer duration, it starts hampering one’s thought process and influences everyday decisions. The person sees everything from the lens of threat and mistrust. Every small problem seems magnified and gets snow-balled in the head. All of it put together even the smallest decisions are clouded with biases.

 

Long story short, Chitra was not mentally ill. She didn’t need any heavy doses of medication to kill the negative thoughts in her head. She just needed self-realizations and self-affirmations – what the doctor prescribed as healthy food for a healthy mind. The world was still a mix of good and bad, she just needed to adjust her lens to get a balanced unbiased view. She had to worry less about her problems, as worries don’t solve problems. She had to identify her anxiety-triggers, and then take a cognitive approach towards addressing them.

 

“I am just a little anxious and a little worried.” Chitra told herself. “And I needn’t be.”

**This story is based on imaginary characters. Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental.**