Its been a
decade since then. Yet I am struggling today.
Its our
tenth wedding anniversary and I still haven’t figured out what possibly could
be an appropriate gift to mark the occasion. I don’t know which picture to post
on our social media sites and I don’t know which words of love and appreciation
will describe the relation and the associated emotion.
So I
thought of pouring out my confusion on a sheet of paper.
It is
surely difficult to describe ten long years in ten brief words. After I met my
husband on an online site, I had updated my chat status – ‘life on a
roller-coaster ride’. Honestly, it continues to be the same.
From a
helicopter view of things, we are no different from many other couples out
there. Our problems are same, same have been our challenges and our struggles. We
have enjoyed creating and cherishing memorable moments. And just like many
other pairs out there, we have continued the journey, sometimes walking
together, sometimes just parallelly.
There is no
denying the fact that things did change after marriage. In any case, ten years
is a long time period for anything to remain constant. We have heard multiple
stories around us about love getting lost or forgotten in the chaos of daily life. Love
hormones getting replaced by adrenaline rush. And marriage acting like an
eye-opener for couples blinded by love. Coming back home, for us also, change has been significant to say the least. Today being a
parent, an employee, a child and a partner takes precedence on being a spouse.
I agree that most of these different roles come with a package of joint
venture, co-operation and togetherness. Yet, they don’t match the love-criteria
specified by Cupids.
I will be
brutally honest at this point. My husband and I spend most of our days checking
off our to-do lists. Any available time is divided between traffic jams,
grocery lists and school assignments. In the mad rush of life we do struggle to
find time for ‘love you’, ‘miss you’, ‘need you’, ‘I do’…. What remain are the
asks, ‘did you pay the bills’, ‘did you check your account’, ‘did you buy the
stuff’, ‘did you already managed to or do you want me to finish the pending
tasks'?
Yet after
all this is done, once in a while, our lovelorn hearts leave the comfort of our
home. We usually find shelter in any coffee-shop which caters to the needs of
night-owls. Whether this happens on a blue moon night or full moon is of no
consequence. What matters is the solace.
With our friends and family comfortably tucked in their beds, with official messages
and emails expected to go unread, with least possibility of the phone ringing,
most things around us become silent. Only things heard are our unending
conversations. This is the time when the unsaid is repeated, without fear or
inhibitions. From the darkest corners of our hearts to the illuminated spaces
in our mind, nothing remains hidden. From idle gossip to daily no-nothings,
from secret desires to life goals, everything is shared. Even the boundaries
of time get blur, keeping us engaged well past mid-night.
Our
late-night rendezvous with coffee and love has also become a decade old
tradition now. Today also, when I am still-clueless about any tangible gift to
mark the occasion, I may end up inviting my best half to yet another
tête-à-tête. And this is where we may end the last ten years of this marriage
and start the next ten.
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