Constructive Parenting Vs Protective Parenting

She rushed towards me with tears filling up those tiny eyes. Hurt and anger was written all over her face. I embraced my 3-year old daughter and hugged her tightly. My shoulder was wet and my heart was aching.

As mothers we tend to get very protective about our kids. At that moment I could have hit anyone who brought tears in those eyes. That is how most of the species react – humans or animals – both.

Coming back to my daughter, hurt, anger, embarrassment seem big words for a 3-year old. But they feel it. And they feel it deep. What they lack is expression.  And at times the inability to express frustrates them. As much as it frustrates us.  

I must admit that I have learnt to not get effected by her every-day play-area fights, more than often coming tantrums and a few illogical demands. Many senior fraternity members have advised me not to take such incidences to heart. Once my daughter’s nursery teacher told me,”We never inform mothers about fights among kids. The problem is kids forget but mothers don’t.” I think what they are saying makes sense.

But today I have a few more serious questions. What should I do as a parent when I see some kid doing one of the following

·        - Pushing each other to danger, like in front of a car or while riding a bicycle

·         -Hitting with a stick or a bat

·         -Climbing out of windows and balconies in high-rise buildings

·         -Using abusive language

·         -Insulting elderly or parents of other kids

·         -Causing embarrassment by indecently explicit remarks or actions

Or any such unacceptable behavior.

I am quite convinced on what I should do if in the above case the culprit (maybe too strong a word) is my own child. A friend has recently set an excellent example when she made her 6-year old son apologize publicly for his miss-behavior. I am sure the impact was bigger than any beating or punishment she could have given.

However my dilemma is how I should react if someone else’s child misbehaves. These are some of the suggestions I have received from my peers:

“Why are you bothered? He is not your child.”

“You can’t do moral policing. Let the parents figure out.”

“There is no point in talking to the parents. They won’t believe you. They will always trust their child more, who will obviously lie.”

“I know you are feeling bad for your child. But kids are resilient. They will forget, and so must you.”

“It’s better to stop the child and counsel him. Going to the parents is a waste of time. They will start accusing you of mud-slinging.”

And so what must I do? What do you do as responsible parents?

Do you only ensure that your kids are away from such kids? Do you educate your kids to not get influenced? Do you fight with the parents? Or are there better ways of approaching these cases?

I request you to share your opinions. It will help me. It will help other parents. And reading what others have to say may also help you.

Thanking you in advance.