Candles on the Cake

It must have been around 6am, when I bid him goodbye & shut the door behind him. My husband. He was starting his day a little earlier than usual as he had to travel to another city for some important official work. This was one of his shorter visits, and thus he was expected to be back the same day, albeit little late, maybe around mid-night. He does need to make such visits once in while, and hence none of this new for me. Yet this time round I found myself struggling with my emotions, my thoughts, and was even a little frustrated by the explanations I was offering myself.

Unable to manage myself any longer, I slumped down on the living room couch. Normally on such days I either go back to sleep, or prepare myself a cup of tea, to be enjoyed with my solitude. But I did none of this. I couldn’t. After all it was my birthday, and he had left even without wishing me, or apologizing for being away the whole day.

Now you may say, after having spent three decades and a couple of years more on this earth, what is so big about a birthday? I asked myself exactly the same question. But instead of providing an answer, I got even more flustered.

Basically there are two major schools of thoughts. There maybe one or two more, but I think only these two merit any consideration.

Life is for Living, All Day, Every Day

Proponents of this philosophy, including my husband, feel that life and all things related to it are to be celebrated every day. His love for me is also something similar, which can be felt every day. We shouldn’t need birthdays or marriage anniversaries or valentine’s day or rose day etc etc etc to remind us of its existence.

I agree with him. But there is a slight problem with this argument. I, and I am sure most of us, will find it very difficult to do something special every day. It could be something as simple as cooking an elaborate meal. Even if it’s your hobby, doing it every day might make it mundane. And hence the other line of argument follows.

Life Gives a Few Reasons to be Happy, Its Better to Find Excuses

This is the belief that I follow. My logic is, I was born once (though I was too small to rejoice at having reached this fete, and more likely than not I would have howled my lungs out). But for the sake of logical reasoning, I don’t get to get born every other day, I don’t get married every once in a while, I don’t & don’t even intend to give births every year. All these, and so many similar special & joyful events are such rare occurrences in a life spanning approximately between sixty to seventy years. Hence if I want to be happy and make merry, then I need to add more occasions to this life.

And that is exactly what festivals do. Be it personal or social or religious, the objective of having these festivals in our lives is to give us regular opportunities to make merry. Come together with friends, family and well wishers, and celebrate the festivities, celebrate life.

But I can’t deny the fact that restricting these celebrations only to occasions, usually result in more expression or demonstration of emotions, than what is actually felt. More simply put, restricted to occasions, it becomes a ritual, and not an emotion.

I was still struggling with both set of arguments when the door-bell rang. I glanced at the watch, it was almost eight. Wondering who could come in so early, I opened the door.

My husband was standing there, holding a cake in one hand, and a bouquet of flowers in the other. 

A gift bag was hanging on his neck. 

Mushrooming in Head

I was really feeling tired after the ten hour long drive. We started early in the morning in order to avoid heavy traffic. The road was good, and so was the scenery. Lush green color had become even more vibrant after the rains. The breeze was adding its magical effect too. The car was echoing with our giggles and laughter. The enthusiasm of a long over-due, much deserved vacation was setting in. I guess the adrenaline rush had set in, and we decided to change our original plan of halting mid-way. And thus, almost half a day had gone by before I unpacked my bags, almost at the time when the sun was also packing his bags to bid adieu for the day.

After completing my usual chores of a mother, wife & an individual, I finally sat down with my cup of coffee. And it was then that I first noticed them through the window. The picturesque backdrop had become even more magical in the twilight. And the small mushroom heads, growing on the window pane, seemed pale and tiny against the brightness of the world outside. Their seemingly inconsequential existence was a potent threat to the very piece of wood on which they grew. Much like the aberrations in our thought processes, which sometimes end up causing whirlwind in our lives.

Riding Two Horses

While still on our way, we happened to talk of a common friend, and his sad state of affairs. A few years back this guy was in a serious relationship with a girl. Then for some known and some unknown reasons, they decided to part ways. Each moved on in their lives, got married and were well settled. But a few months ago their paths again crossed. They bumped into each other at a common friend’s reception and spent time together. One thing led to another, and the old fire was rekindled.

Now both are caught in a mess they don’t seem to find a way out from. One chanced encounter has resulted in a series of meetings and long hours of conversations. And currently, both of them are struggling to give this new relationship a name. Needless to say, their respective spouses are not very supportive of this change in events. With clouds of doubt and jealousy looming large, their marriages are in troubled waters.

An unexpected meeting, a harmless conversation, since allowed to grow, has created cracks in a life-long relationship.

Tame Your Dragon

My cousin is engaged to be married next month. She has known her would-be-husband for long, taking considerable time to take this relationship to the next level. However an unfortunate event led to some altercation between the boy and my uncle, the girl’s father. Tempers flew, tongues wagged and boundaries of decency were violated by both parties.

Flared up egos are now refusing to calm down. The relationship at this delicate juncture is under threat of breaking up. With both the father and fiancé refusing to see each other eye-to-eye, my cousin is caught in the middle of their bitterness.

In their fit of anger, both men forgot that the wounds they are inflicting on the girl they both love, will take a long time to heal.

Comparing Apples with Oranges

The other day I read a sad and shocking story in the newspaper. A mother of two had committed suicide. The woman’s husband was going through a tough patch in his career, causing financial problems for the family. Thus the couple couldn’t provide as many amenities for their kids as available for the neighborhood children. Seeing this, the mother used to stay depressed, and constantly fought with her husband. And one day, unable to live with this guilt any more, she decided to end her life.

I wish she could realize, by worrying excessively about absence of luxuries, she has created a vacuum which will never be filled.

I finished up my cup of coffee, and called up the reception, informing them about the mushroom growth. Some thoughts must be ended, much before they get engrained.  

My Pay For A Day, The Day As A Driver

As one moves up the corporate ladder, both in terms of designation and experience, the nature of work mostly shifts from ground-level mundane operational tasks to more strategic and decision making challenges. And yet those once-in-a-while visits to the floor operations help as key revision lessons. Just like in yester-years the kind and noble kings disguised themselves as common man, and roamed around in streets getting a feel of administrative lapses.

In a similar example, I ended up being my husband’s car-driver for a day. And the day proved to be nothing less than a memory of a lifetime. To give you a quick background, my husband’s work requires him to make regular visits to various stores owned by his employers. On this particular day he had a severe backache, which made driving for long hours and longer distances, seem like quite an inundating challenge. I don’t know if it was the severity of pain, urgency of the job or the excitement of having my company for the day (pun intended); but he readily accepted my offer of assistance.

Stoppage One

Our first stop was at an office complex. After dropping my husband at the front reception, I moved towards the parking area, and found myself a corner slot, with ample light and breeze. Parked next to me was an expensive looking luxury sedan. I am totally blind when it comes to the makes and brands of cars, and thus can not offer any information on even the basic details. However, I do remember that the driver was in a neatly ironed white uniform. He had a newspaper in his hand, and a sober expression on his face. As I parked my car, he glanced at me, and then went back to his reading. Meanwhile I reclined my seat slightly, made myself comfortable and pulled out my book from my bag. It was a good read, and I was thoroughly enjoying my solitude (a big luxury for a mother of a two-year old).

I must have been reading for a little more than an hour when my phone rang. It was my husband, who had completed his work and was waiting for me so that we could proceed to the next destination. As I got up and started the car, this driver from the neighboring car signaled me to stop. I gave him a quizzical glare. He promptly walked towards my window, and spoke to me a very respectable manner, “Madam, my apologies for stopping you. However I just wanted to share that seeing you here has been most inspiring. I got married at a very early age, but continued with my studies. I also encouraged my wife to complete her basic education. But seeing you today, I have decided to teach her to drive. And once she gets a job like you, I will try to look for better avenues. And I just thought I must thank you for this idea.”

I sat there still, not having any courage to share my real identity or circumstances. Then I simply smiled at him, wished him luck, and drove away silently praying in my heart for his dreams to come true.

Stoppage Two

Not wanting to spend any more time in the parking area, this time I looked around and found myself a coffee shop right across the street. Here again I made myself comfortable on the corner seat, after ordering a cup of steaming hot coffee and a sandwich. As I returned my thoughts and focus on the book at hand, I realized destiny had something more in store for me. There was a young couple sitting at a distance from me. Since we were the only sets of customers in the shop, and since they were engaged in a heated argument, I could clearly hear their conversations. After inadvertently listening for a while, I realized it was the same old story of every house-hold. The girl had a series of complains against the guy’s family, their behavior, reactions and comments on various occasions etc etc. The guy on the other hand was oscillating between being defensive and offensive.

The discussion went on for a while, and since my coffee was quite hot, I had no choice but to sit there being a mute audience, just like the coffee shop staff. And then the guy lost his patience. He got up with a jerk and spoke in loud clear words, “I love you for what you are. I have only myself to offer to you. I can control my words, actions and reactions. But unfortunately I have no control on others. I have, and will continue to stand with you when you are right. I have never, and never will blame you when you are wrong. But I can not make others behave the same way. Because they don’t and can not love you the same way.”

And with this he walked off. I don’t know if these words of love and dedication had any effect on the girl. But I sat there, staring at my book, unable to read a single word.

Stoppage Three

My previous two experiences had left me thinking. And as we reached our next halt, I decided staying alone will not be a good idea. So I headed to a nearby book-shop and happily spent next couple of hours flipping through pages. I covered varied topics, gifted myself two new best-sellers, and successfully managed to push the day’s events to the back of my mind.

By the time my husband called me, I was back being my usual self. As I headed towards the car, I found my husband happily chatting with a senior colleague. This colleague, I recognized from a few official dinners I had attended with my husband, was the national head of a particular business division. As both men saw me approaching, they stopped their banter, and acknowledged my presence. After exchanging the initial pleasantries, the colleague remarked, “I was just telling your husband that you guys must plan such days more often. I would love to be able to meet my wife multiple times during the day. The possibility of meeting all my professional commitments, along with an opportunity of intermittent personal conversations seems quite exciting. In fact if need be I don’t mind being the driver for my wife on such days. Waiting in the parking lot once in a while is not bothersome if there is an opportunity of catching up during eating & travelling breaks.”

With these words he took our leave. And yet again I stood there, pondering at his words.

Thankfully my husband decided to call it a day. As we headed back, I gave him a loving smile. The day had proved to me that not all love is lost after marriage. It stays. At least for a few.